ingat ini baik-baik

pak koman berdiri diambang pintu dan tersenyum padaku

K: dian, kamu udah baca novelnya gek sri?
I : belum, pak koman
K: dia udah nulis kira-kira tigapuluh halaman. kamu baca aja, nanti. mungkin kita bisa edit. perbaiki grammar dan spellingnya. lalu dicetak, biar dia semangat"
I : ide bagus, pak koman. ya, saya mau baca. saya pernah liat gek sri nulis. tapi dia belum pernah nunjukin ke saya

bukan. pak koman bukan orangtua yang suka membangga-banggakan anaknya. bukan seperti beberapa orangtua artis cilik yang sangat berambisi menjadikan anak mereka bintang, dan dibesarkan dibawah gemerlap cahaya lampu di panggung maupun kamera. dia hanyalah orang tua yang supportif. dan ini adalah salah satu hal yang aku kagumi dari bosku itu.

walaupun jarang mau mengakuinya di publik, pak koman adalah lulusan berkeley. sangat, sangat cerdas dan berwawasan luas. suka main musik (biola, bass, menulis lagu kalo mood), olahraga (tenis, berenang, bersepeda), computer geek (sgala macam yang berhubungan dengan komputer di komaneka, pak koman tau dan bisa menanganinya. kalo indra-the IT Man udah nyerah, pak koman yang turun tangan). strategis dan taktis dalam mengelola bisnis. tapi diatas semuanya, pak koman adalah laki-laki yang cinta keluarga.

pak koman hapal ulang tahun anak-anaknya (papaku aja suka lupa kapan aku lahir), bisa mendeskripsikan dengan baik karakter tiap-tiap anaknya dan tau, apa yang sedang dikerjakan anak-anaknya saat ini (gek sri dan novelnya, gek angga belajar berenang, gek surya giginya baru lepas, dan seterusnya), memperhatikan pendidikan anak-anaknya (pak koman aktif menjadi anggota komite orangtua di sekolah dyatmika) dan yang paling penting, pak koman sangat ingin dekat dengan anak-anaknya. suatu hari dia bisa bilang..."saya heran, anak saya kalo abis saya marahi, setelah itu nggak mau dekat-dekat saya. tapi kalo dengan bu mansri, walopun habis dimarahi sampai nangis, besoknya pasti udah dekat lagi"

buat orang seperti pak koman, yang memiliki dua hotel (hampir tiga) dan satu galeri, dalam usia yang baru 38 tahun, sangat mudah untuk tenggelam dalam kesibukan, dan menyerahkan urusan anak-anak pada istri. tapi dia nggak pernah begitu. bukan sekali dua kali, waktu aku lagi chatting, atau bicara di telepon dengannya, dia bilang padaku...
"nanti kita teruskan lagi. sekarang gek surya mau main sama saya"
mungkin semua ini ada hubungannya dengan hal yang sering sekali diulang-ulangnya...

"kalo kamu menikah, itu sudah bukan lagi tentang cinta. tapi tentang tanggung jawab. setiap hari yang ada adalah tanggung jawab. kamu tau kenapa banyak orang yang pacaran lama, kumpul kebo bertahun-tahun, tapi begitu menikah, cuma sebentar lalu cerai. karena bersama pernikahan itu ada tanggung jawab. dan tanggung jawab itu berat. itu nggak main-main. apalagi kalo kamu punya anak. keputusan punya anak adalah keputusan yang berat, dan tanggung jawabnya lebih berat lagi. tapi saya nggak nyesel punya anak. saya sayang sama anak-anak saya..."

kalo kamu ketemu dengan pak koman suatu hari nanti, ingatlah postingan ini baik-baik. karena pak koman pasti... sekali lagi pasti tidak akan pernah menutup-nutupi kalau dia sudah menikah, dan punya empat orang anak. dia akan menceritakan anak-anaknya, keluarganya, dengan senyum bangga. seperti senyumnya dari ambang pintu hari ini.

sayangnya, aku juga menemui laki-laki yang nggak mau mengakui kalo dia sudah beristri dan punya anak. ada pula yang cenderung menutup-nutupinya, karena berkeinginan untuk melabuhkan perasaan (atau hasrat?) pada perempuan lain. apalagi kalau kemudian sampai mendeklarasikan hubungan lain, dengan perempuan lain, sementara sudah jadi rahasia umum kalau laki-laki ini sudah menikah dan sudah punya anak.
dapatkah terus menutup-nutupi kenyataan dan menipu diri sendiri?
sampai kapan?

dreamland

what would someone who cannot swim do in dreamland?
grab a camera and having fun!

accidentally in love

I got a terrible accident last friday. it was the worst accident in my career as a lady biker since 2003. aku lagi naik motor ke kos Wine di Teuku Umar, waktu sebuah mobil boks menyerempetku di renon. aku membelok ke kanan, mobil boks datang dari belakang dan menyerempetku dari sebelah kiri. I fell down to the left. or so, I guess... because after that everything turned black. I was having the so-called short-term memory loss that made me forget almost everything about the accident. only flashes of memory and blurred pictures on some details left. I don't remember how I got to Warkop, the boarding house on Tukad Musi V no. 3. I don't remember calling WM twice that evening and asked the same question over and over again... I guess it was some kind of emergency mechanism inside me... waktu instingku mengambil alih, dan dengan ingatan bawah sadar aku bisa menemukan jalan dan mendapat pertolongan. Allah yang maha kuasa yang mengatur semuanya. membantu dan menuntunku sehingga aku bisa selamat.
all I know, this accident make me realize that I'm so lucky to have these people around me. people who show me their love when I need it. who giving me attention and taking care of me during those bad times. these friends are my family...
WM, Naomi, Wine, Onet, Saylow, Didats... yang ada disana malam itu, ngasihin kamarnya untukku, bawa aku ke rumah sakit (dengan Rivo juga), bahkan beliin aku makan dan obat waktu dompetku belum ketemu.
Tante Narti, sori ya, Ina malah nggak jadi ke tempatnya Tante, malah Tante yang harus jengukin Ina.
Abang Doni yang langsung nelepon lewat embernya, Ela yang bela-belain interlokal juga, Bonnie yang jadi suster jarak jauh, Ari yang nyempatin nelepon sambil siaran, Kaoru-san yang ngelembur menggantikanku, Indra yang membereskan creative assignment yang belum kuselesaikan...
para gajah yang lagi arisan, yang abis baca berita kampung dan langsung kontak...Didik (untung smsnya gak nyasar), Wesly, Bundaku sayang, Venus, Deden dan juga yang lain...
smua staf di Galeri yang memastikan smua urusan berjalan lancar, Bu Mansri dan Pak Koman, Mbak Ayu yang gantiin aku ngurusin Richard Winkler, Pak Swabawa yang bersedia take over persiapan pemotretan...
special thanks for Saylow's Mom. yang bantuin aku selama di rumah sakit, nungguin aku dan memastikan dokter mendahulukan aku daripada pasien-pasien yang lain.
I love you all. Thanks for everything...

Olivier's Dream

I met him on New Year's Eve. He was the most handsome man in the dinner. With black hair and tan skin. Tall and athletic, he was Apollo came alive. A sharp look from his brown hawk eyes will make you melted away. A wink from him can make a girl blushing. He was a man who realizes that he's handsome. However, he uses his charm in adequate dose.
My first impression of him is that he was using bold statement to get what he wanted " I like all of the arts I see in Komaneka. But I don't like the painting in my room" with that kind of statement, all I have to do was offer him to change the painting in his room as soon as possible. "In Komaneka, everything is possible" I heard him saying that to his partner over a plate of grilled shrimp. "You are the best" was what he said after I told him that I'll get someone to do the change early in the morning.
After that night, we were talking about many things. His interest in the art world, because "the most important thing in this world is creation" kind of painting that he like, Indonesian furniture and antique, his house in Paris, and his dream.
" I want to have a place where I can give education for the people who need it. It will be a place to train people, to improve their skill and ability. And with those abilities, we can make earth-friendly product. It will become a product with respect to people who make it, who use it and to the earth. And we will distribute the product in a respectful way."
There were two things he said that I remember the most. The second one was "I feel blessed to be here. I was blessed all my life. I have food and education; I can do everything I wanted. I have a good life and I want to share it with others. I want to do something for the people in the world".
The first will be this "You're invited to Paris. Would you like to come?"

Excuse Me! goes to Amed

"You haven't moved an inch since the last time I saw you, don't you?" Courtney's face is popping in above the hammock in where I was laying down, cradled by the wind. Two hours ago, Courtney mounted the hammock in the facade of his room in Deep Blue Studio, Amed, where we- Wine, Bonnie, Atsushi, Anthony, Waldo and Courtney and I were staying.
I like this hammock very much. It makes me feel like I was in a cradle. I was reading with the strong sea-wind, sound of the waves crashing in the rocks, the blue sea and the grey rainy season-sky.
"It is only me, and the sea.” I said to Courtney who is smiling and staring at me with his blue eyes.
We were leaving Ubud before mid-day. Waldo, who had just come home from a party in Kuta early in the morning looked messed-up. He was as enthusiast as the other, though. There are Wine driving in the front seat and Bonnie, who pointed herself as navigator. I was sitting with Anthony and Atsushi. We were renting Pak Gede to bring those boys luggage beside the APV we were in.
Our group formed from a meeting in Jazz Cafe between Wine, Atsushi, Waldo and me, and an advertising agency in Jakarta where Bonnie and Anthony worked. Courtney is friend of Waldo who was coming to Ubud later and joining us after we bumped to each other on the street unexpectedly for several times, almost every night.
Waldo and Courtney working together in the train in Alaska. Courtney was coming from Utah and both of them enjoying outdoor and adventurous activities such as hiking, rock climbing, fishing, snorkeling, surfing plus diving for Courtney. Atsushi is a fashion designer for a casual clothing brand in Harajuku, who live in Tokyo. In his leisure times, he plays guitar and singing in a band, writing songs, snowboarding and surfing. Anthony is an ordinary officer in Jakarta, with almost non-stop ringing cellular phone because of message about work and conversation on clients. Wine teaches arts for children. Bonnie is a project manager in her office, writing stories with her 12-inch Powerbook and having her addiction to scuba diving for a few months now. Whenever we gathered in Bee House, Onet, Bonnie and Wine are my family.



It was during dinner, and after I have reluctantly got off from the hammock that we decided to call ourselves Excuse Me. Atsushi is the funniest man in this group. He always able to make us laugh somehow, and he did it naturally. Yes, Atsushi is a natural born joker. He know when to say things like "Yes, I know, but I don't think so" (this is something that made me laugh when I talked to him), "Thank you!" (Always funny when he said this), "… Peter!" (Cause he cannot say Waldo correctly). But his best is "Excuse Me!" something that he proposed as the name for our band in this trip. Later, Atsushi become a famous star among us with his unbeatable quote “I want more alcohol!”
This will be unforgettable trip for me as I got my swimming lesson in the bungalow’s pool. Ever since Waldo and Courtney found out that I couldn’t swim, they declare that they wanted to teach me. As usual, the teachers are always more enthusiastic than the student. While we’re waiting for Bonnie, Court and Atsushi at Tulamben, Waldo said “Last night, when I looked at the sky, it was written in the sky that you must learn how to swim” Yeah, right! Another way to persuade me to swim…
I don’t know what was on my mind when I said OK. Waldo gave me his ear-to-ear smile.
So there I was, inside the pool with Wine, tried to balance myself. I got my hands glued to the lips of the pool. Waldo jumped into the water and our lesson officially begun. He was a good teacher. It was him who assured me that the water is not dangerous. That everything is under control. That I will be able to swim and I’ll enjoy it. “I got you! I got you! It’s OK! You won’t get drowned!” he said that over and over again. His blue-grey eyes fixed to mine when he ask, “Are you OK?” Later, both Wine and Bonnie said that they're touched by the way Waldo teach me how to swim. Well, I'd like to say that I put the swimming lesson in my list as one of the sweetest things a man ever do to me.
Maybe Amed is not in its best performance when we were there. It’s been raining for days before we came and it was drizzling when we got there. Maybe that’s why the view underwater is not very well. Yes, It was Bonnie, Court and Atsushi who said that. But they don’t blogging, I’m the one who told you so. The best thing that I got is the friendship we made, stories we shared and the memories remained...

Finding Courtney - Part Two

and the story continued like this...

08.30 PM
went to tiing gading and found waldo in the restaurant

I : waldo!
W: ina! i tried to call you earlier but they said that you're out
I : yeah, I have a meeting with a man from French. I had just finished.
I : will courtney be back to ubud?
W: he might. he went to padang bai and I don't know whether he will be back
I : or going straight to kuta
W:because his credit card is...
I : lost! yeah, I know. I thought because his credit card is lost, he won't be going anywhere.
W: well, he couldn't afford to stay here in ubud without his credit card.
I : do you know where he will be staying in kuta?
W: I don't know
I : do you know where he stay in padang bai?
W: I don't know
I : (sigh) let me sit first...
I : I need to find him...I tried to call several times today. but no luck. nobody pick it up...they said that he was out. and he was stopping by to my gallery.
W: yes, he was. but you were not there
I : I was in tanggayuda, the other komaneka. I had to meet some guests there. when courtney came, my staff tried to find me, but because I was with a guest, they couldn't put me through the telephone. and nobody in tanggayuda told me about the call. I found his note in my desk, I called here again, and he was left.
W: I might know the transport person that take him there. maybe he used that transport man. I have the card. he said that they will help him find a place for 50.000 a night.
I : ok, I will try to call the transport person tomorrow.
W: he will be in touch with atsushi and try to find atsushi when he come to kuta.
I : atsushi said he didn't have any appointment with courtney
W: how do you know?
I: I talked to atsushi early in the evening through wine's phone. she was with him.
W: let's go upstairs

(I followed waldo to his room.)

I : I've sent an email to courtney. but I'm not sure that he will find an internet connection in padang bai.
W: he'll find it in kuta for sure.

(I was sitting in the chair in front of his room.)

W: the only reason I take you here is because, looks like you're about to cry. I don't want you to cry in front of other people.
I : hehehe... I'm not going to cry
W: well, it's look like you're going to cry

(waldo went inside his room and said)

W: I'm listening

(but I didn't say anything. waldo came with a cup in his hand and made me a tea)

W: sugar?
I : yes, please
W: one or two?
I : just one. thanks.
W: arak?
I : ahaha... no, thanks!

(I sipped the tea. It felt warm and made me relax.)

I : I need to find courtney. even if I have to go to kuta.
W: do you like courtney so much?
I : no! it's not about that I like courtney or not. it's about the photos. I have to transfer the pictures from him. I promised bonnie to give her those pictures.
W: I don't have those pictures too. He'll uploaded them in the internet as soon as he can. And if you send him an email, he will send you an invitation to see those pictures. there's nothing to worry.

waldo gave me his big-big smile and I'm speechless. why didn't I think about it? oh... me and my stupidity. how can I forget that I'm living in an era when a thing called internet is exist? well then, court! enjoy your holiday in padang bai and I'll see you in the cyber world.

Finding Courtney - Part One

it was a wet 3 january in the year 2006...

11.20 AM
menelepon courtney di tiing gading. gak ada yang angkat. nyoba tiga kali.
12.00
nelepon tiing gading. nggak ada yang angkat. nyoba dua kali.
01.15 PM
nelepon tiing gading. lagi. courtney lagi keluar. nggak ada yang tau kemana. lupa ninggalin pesan.
04.30 PM
menerima pesan dari courtney di mejaku. tertegun.

Hi Ina,
Came by to see you before I leave Ubud. I am going to Padang Bai and then to Kuta. I was hoping to say goodbye because I am not sure if i will be back before I leave next week. Also, I wanted to check with you about photos from Amed. I really wanted to get those from Bonnie before she left. Do you have them? email me when you get a chance.
See you next time

Court

04.32 PM
menelepon tiing gading. courtney udah berangkat ke padang bai pada jam 3.30. belum check out katanya, karena barangnya masih ada disana. nggak ada yang tau kapan dia akan datang, atau dimana dia menginap di padang bai.
04.40 PM
nelepon wayan, yang kerja shift pagi di gallery, kata wayan dia nggak tau kapan courtney datang. mungkin setelah shiftnya, wayan bilang.
04.42 PM
nelepon denik, staf yang masuk siang dan sedang istirahat. denik bilang courtney datang jam 12.30-an, denik udah coba telepon ke tanggayuda, dan katanya aku sedang bersama tamu di 112 (ah, ya... olivier requet). courtney nggak mau nunggu, jadi cuma ninggalin pesan.
04.45 PM
kirim email ke courtney

dear Court,

I had just read your note.
Tried to call you several times today to Tiing Gading, but no luck. No one pick my phone, you're out, and the last time they said that you had just left to Padang Bai. I'm sending this email 15 minutes after reading your note.
I hope I can see you before you left to Thailand.
I promised Bonnie to give her the pictures you've taken.
Even if I have to go to Kuta, that will be fine. I'll find you there.
So please let me know the name of the hotel you will be staying in Kuta.
Crossing my fingers to see you before you leave.

best,
Ina

04.55 PM
menelepon bu agung di tanggayuda, yang katanya terima telepon denik yang mencariku pada jam 12.30-an. bu agung barusan aja pulang.
05.15 PM
menelepon wine yang sedang sama atsushi untuk cari tahu apakah courtney janjian sama atsushi atau nggak hari ini, atau besok. atsushi bilang nggak ada. cuma janji saling berkirim email.
05.30 PM
minta didoain sama warga kampung gajah supaya bisa ketemu courtney sebelum dia pergi ke thailand. luzipeng, idban, lea, adis, husni dan beberapa orang lain berdoa, dan memasang emoticon berdoa.

I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry...

"Ina, gue sedih, tadi gue call Blue Eyes dan dia mau ketemu, tapi bisanya di Ubud, ga bisa di Denpasar. Blue Eyes bilang dia udah try to find sometime to spend together but it just didn't worked out...Lipsie juga gak mau ke Ubud. Gue ngerti dia cape, gue juga takut rusuh sih, jadi kayaknya gue jam 1 langsung on the way aja di airport. Flight gue 345. Salam buat Mommy ya..."
02.01.06
10.54

Ling-ling, sms kamu bikin aku makin sedih. Maafkan aku dan kebodohanku tadi malam. Otakku yang kecil ini nggak nyambung sama apa yang terjadi. Ampuni aku Ling-ling... aku betul-betul menyesal...
duh, Blue Eyes...I'm so sorry... forgive me and my stupidity... Semoga kalian berdua memaafkan kesalahanku.

00.00 - 31.12.2005

Balinese are always starting their new year with moments of silence. So now, I need you to be prepared for doing so.
The candles are lit. Be stand still and close your eyes.

Breath normally, and imagining that you come down, deep, inside your spiritual heart.
You're walking towards the gate of light. Imagining all that you can have, the best that you can be in the new year.
And you will feel calm, peaceful, and happy...
Happy...

Happy New Year
Wishing You All The Best In The Year 2006

pak koman dan george soros

aku sedang dalam perjalanan dari ubud ke denpasar bersama bonnie vietcong waktu tiba-tiba ada yang bergetar-getar...
"gunjreeeenggg!!!"
hapeku berdering dan nama bosku tercetak di layar. tepatnya, nama yang aku pergunakan di phone-book-ku untuknya. aku mengangkat telepon dengan sapaanku yang biasa...

I: selamat malam, pak koman
K:malam, dian
I: saya, pak koman
K:kamu tau tadi malam saya makan dengan siapa?
I: nggak tau, siapa ya?
K:tadi malam saya sama george soros
I: (terpekik kaget) hah?
I: yang bener, pak koman?!
K:iya, dia ada disini. nginep di komaneka, kamu tau?
I: oya? sejak kapan?
K:(tertawa kecil) nggak...nggak, saya bercanda
K:tapi dia memang ada di ubud. nginepnya di ********. saya ketemu dia disana
K:dia sama, siapa itu, yang dapat nobel ekonomi dan pernah ke tanggayuda?
I: ya, pak koman, saya inget orangnya, tapi nggak inget namanya
K:dia pergi kesini waktu ada isu kalo ubud mau di-bom pas natal-tahun baru
K:tapi pasti ada sesuatu, orang sepintar dia, tiba-tiba ada disini, justru waktu ada isu
I: pastinya! orang yang bisa ngacak-acak ekonomi asia tenggara
I: kalo nggak ada perlunya nggak bakalan kesini
K:saya rasa juga gitu, karena dia bilang sama saya
K:dia datang dan ketemu orang banyak disini
I: wah! tapi keren pak koman bisa ketemu dan ngobrol sama dia
K:iyah, di new york pasti orang ngantri buat ketemu george soros
K:dia malah disini, santai-santai, naik kijang
I: hihihihihihi
I: emang bener, di bali bisa ketemu siapa aja. nggak terduga.
K:memang, karena disini itu seperti pintu.
K:kalo kamu cukup pintar memanfaatkan,kamu bisa kemana aja setelah dari sini.
K:ya udah dian, gitu aja yang mau saya bilang.
K:saya sebel karena udah cerita sama beberapa orang dan mereka gak ngerti
K: saya bilang george soros mereka jawab "siapa itu?"
I: ahahaha! kasiyan deh, pak koman
K:iya nih, tadinya mau show off malah harus ngejelasin. gak seru lagi
I: hehehe...

tak lama kemudian pembicaraan diakhiri. aku mematikan hape sambil tersenyum. setelah setahun, perasaanku terhadap komaneka masih sama seperti di hari pertama aku mulai bekerja. aku merasa tempat ini semakin menjelma menjadi rumahku. dan percakapan semacam ini dengan pak koman masih akan terus terjadi.

...dan kau beri nyawa

piano itu ada disana setiap hari. di lantai dua galeriku, tepatnya di sudut antara puncak tangga dengan pintu ke arah ruang kerja pak Koman. kadang-kadang aku duduk didepannya. mencoba memainkan beberapa nada dengan canggung sambil mengingat-ingat pelajaran yang pernah kuterima dulu. tak jarang ada yang datang dan duduk di depannya, lalu memainkan berbagai lagu. ada yang selalu memainkan komposisi yang sama. seperti sedang berlatih selama beberapa jam dengan piano itu. ada pula yang datang untuk memainkannya sambil menyanyi. ah... suara si penyanyi ditingkahi suara piano. aku rasa si grand piano hitam ingin supaya dia berhenti menyanyi, sama sepertiku. ada pula seorang kaukasian berambut pirang selalu memainkan lagu-lagu yang sedih dan pilu. sampai aku duduk dengan tegak diruanganku sambil berpikir mungkin si pemain piano sedang patah hati.

belum pernah ada yang memainkannya seperti Kazue Inoue.



hari itu, minggu, 18 Desember 2005... untuk pertama kalinya dalam hidupku, aku melihat sebuah piano seperti bernyawa. bukan lagi sekedar sebuah instrumen yang dipakai untuk memainkan lagu. Kazue Inoue memberi... ah, tepatnya memindahkan nyawanya ke dalam piano hitam dilantai dua galeriku. lalu dengan piano hitam itu dia bicara, bercerita dan tertawa. aku nggak tau komposisi apa yang dia mainkan. tidak penting apakah itu Weber, Chopin atau Mozart. yang jelas, aku bisa memahami ceritanya. mengerti bahwa cerita ini adalah cerita gembira, sedih, tegang, bahkan memahami bahwa tokoh dalam cerita yang disampaikan piano itu, sedang menjalani sesuatu yang misterius dan rahasia, yang membuat dia harus berjalan mengendap-endap dan bicara dengan suara lirih, supaya nggak ketahuan. lalu di bagian yang lain, tampaknya si tokoh sedang bersenang hati, menikmati suasana pagi yang indah dengan burung yang berkicau dan matahari yang bersinar lembut. entah apa kisahnya, tapi aku berdiri terpaku disana, menatap jemarinya yang lincah diatas tuts piano dan di benakku ada padang rumput yang luas, petak-petak bunga dan kolam yang airnya berwarna keperakan tertimpa cahaya mentari.

terima kasih karena telah mengajakku sampai kesana dengan musikmu, Kazue-san. aku tak akan melupakanmu.