cobaan pak yudi, cobaan kita

tergopoh-gopoh pak yudi mendatangi mejaku hari itu...

"saya dapat musibah, mbak dian... eh bukan, dapat cobaan"
katanya mengawali ceritanya tentang bagaimana kaca belakang mobilnya dipukul orang dengan sengaja, sehingga berlubang, dan harus dia ganti seluruhnya.
nggak jelas juga apa motif orang yang memecahkan kacanya. bagian belakang mobil kacanya selalu kaca mati. jadi waktu kaca itu dipukul dan berlubang kecil, pak yudi belum menemukannya. hanya merasa bahwa suara dari jalanan terdengar sangat keras dan nggak teredam. setelah sampai di parkiran komaneka, barulah pak yudi melihatnya. kaca mobilnya berlubang.
dia menambahkan bahwa kasus seperti ini semakin lama semakin sering terjadi. korbannya bahkan ada yang kehilangan uang puluhan juta. karena kaca mobilnya dipecahkan setelah dia mengambil uang dalam jumlah besar dari bank. waktu dia berhenti untuk makan siang, kaca mobilnya dipecah dan tas berisi uang yang ditinggalkan dalam mobil tersebut raib diambil.
aku tertegun mendengar cerita pak yudi. semua ini memang masih terjadi di denpasar. tapi bukan tidak mungkin nantinya juga akan sampai di ubud. dan bali nggak akan sama lagi seperti yang aku kenal.
pak yudi bilang padaku, waktu bom kedua meledak oktober lalu, dia udah berpikir bahwa nantinya, hal-hal semacam ini pasti akan terjadi... orang kesulitan mendapatkan uang, ekonomi lesu, kriminalitas meningkat. semuanya memang berbanding lurus.
buat beberapa orang yang berpikiran pendek, yang sudah sangat putus asa dengan kegagalan demi kegagalan, jalan yang semula tak terpikirkan kemudian menjadi alternatif yang kelihatannya makin mungkin dijalankan. diantara mereka, mungkin ada yang malu untukpulang dengan kegagalan. lalu bertahan hidup dengan mengambil apa yang bukan menjadi haknya.
aku mendesah... menarik napas panjang setelah pak yudi berlalu. berharap keadaan cepat membaik. karena hunian hari ini lagi-lagi 20%

sad but true

unfortunately, this is a true story

she was a japanese pianist and he was a belgian nomad and they had been traveled together for a month. it was in the middle of a hustle tattoo convention somewhere in the heart of england that the girl got very sick somehow. he took her to the hospital, and the doctor congratulates him. the girl was pregnant and eventually, will deliver the baby very soon. they need his approval for a caesar operation because the baby had just been in her womb for six months only. he was so confused. too confused to think clearly. he just wanted to save the baby's life.
to make all things run smoothly, he decided to make a certificate of marriage that officially stated them as husband and wife. that way, she will be able to use his health insurance to pay the operation and all hospital bills.
it was a baby boy and he fall in love to him the very moment he saw him. he named him 'a man with heart as big as a planet'. although the boy is not his son. she got pregnant after a short relationship with an indonesian (married) man. she never told that man about the boy. the last time she came to him, was when she found the man with his pregnant wife. that was how things started to went wrong between the pianist and the nomad. their relationship consists of hatred, quarrels and argument. there was no single day without fighting when they see each other's face.
then he met an indonesian visual merchandiser. he told her his story. she told him hers. they fall in love to each other although they know that their relationship is impossible. their love is a beautiful and romantic yet complicated story. she could never have him, he could never let her go. they just can never be together. there's a boy, with a heart as big as a planet to raise. and he will never take the boy away from his mother.

who's wrong? who's fault?
I can never tell. when they told me their story, I shed my tears.
God I wish... a happy simple life. a happy simple life.

ingat ini baik-baik

pak koman berdiri diambang pintu dan tersenyum padaku

K: dian, kamu udah baca novelnya gek sri?
I : belum, pak koman
K: dia udah nulis kira-kira tigapuluh halaman. kamu baca aja, nanti. mungkin kita bisa edit. perbaiki grammar dan spellingnya. lalu dicetak, biar dia semangat"
I : ide bagus, pak koman. ya, saya mau baca. saya pernah liat gek sri nulis. tapi dia belum pernah nunjukin ke saya

bukan. pak koman bukan orangtua yang suka membangga-banggakan anaknya. bukan seperti beberapa orangtua artis cilik yang sangat berambisi menjadikan anak mereka bintang, dan dibesarkan dibawah gemerlap cahaya lampu di panggung maupun kamera. dia hanyalah orang tua yang supportif. dan ini adalah salah satu hal yang aku kagumi dari bosku itu.

walaupun jarang mau mengakuinya di publik, pak koman adalah lulusan berkeley. sangat, sangat cerdas dan berwawasan luas. suka main musik (biola, bass, menulis lagu kalo mood), olahraga (tenis, berenang, bersepeda), computer geek (sgala macam yang berhubungan dengan komputer di komaneka, pak koman tau dan bisa menanganinya. kalo indra-the IT Man udah nyerah, pak koman yang turun tangan). strategis dan taktis dalam mengelola bisnis. tapi diatas semuanya, pak koman adalah laki-laki yang cinta keluarga.

pak koman hapal ulang tahun anak-anaknya (papaku aja suka lupa kapan aku lahir), bisa mendeskripsikan dengan baik karakter tiap-tiap anaknya dan tau, apa yang sedang dikerjakan anak-anaknya saat ini (gek sri dan novelnya, gek angga belajar berenang, gek surya giginya baru lepas, dan seterusnya), memperhatikan pendidikan anak-anaknya (pak koman aktif menjadi anggota komite orangtua di sekolah dyatmika) dan yang paling penting, pak koman sangat ingin dekat dengan anak-anaknya. suatu hari dia bisa bilang..."saya heran, anak saya kalo abis saya marahi, setelah itu nggak mau dekat-dekat saya. tapi kalo dengan bu mansri, walopun habis dimarahi sampai nangis, besoknya pasti udah dekat lagi"

buat orang seperti pak koman, yang memiliki dua hotel (hampir tiga) dan satu galeri, dalam usia yang baru 38 tahun, sangat mudah untuk tenggelam dalam kesibukan, dan menyerahkan urusan anak-anak pada istri. tapi dia nggak pernah begitu. bukan sekali dua kali, waktu aku lagi chatting, atau bicara di telepon dengannya, dia bilang padaku...
"nanti kita teruskan lagi. sekarang gek surya mau main sama saya"
mungkin semua ini ada hubungannya dengan hal yang sering sekali diulang-ulangnya...

"kalo kamu menikah, itu sudah bukan lagi tentang cinta. tapi tentang tanggung jawab. setiap hari yang ada adalah tanggung jawab. kamu tau kenapa banyak orang yang pacaran lama, kumpul kebo bertahun-tahun, tapi begitu menikah, cuma sebentar lalu cerai. karena bersama pernikahan itu ada tanggung jawab. dan tanggung jawab itu berat. itu nggak main-main. apalagi kalo kamu punya anak. keputusan punya anak adalah keputusan yang berat, dan tanggung jawabnya lebih berat lagi. tapi saya nggak nyesel punya anak. saya sayang sama anak-anak saya..."

kalo kamu ketemu dengan pak koman suatu hari nanti, ingatlah postingan ini baik-baik. karena pak koman pasti... sekali lagi pasti tidak akan pernah menutup-nutupi kalau dia sudah menikah, dan punya empat orang anak. dia akan menceritakan anak-anaknya, keluarganya, dengan senyum bangga. seperti senyumnya dari ambang pintu hari ini.

sayangnya, aku juga menemui laki-laki yang nggak mau mengakui kalo dia sudah beristri dan punya anak. ada pula yang cenderung menutup-nutupinya, karena berkeinginan untuk melabuhkan perasaan (atau hasrat?) pada perempuan lain. apalagi kalau kemudian sampai mendeklarasikan hubungan lain, dengan perempuan lain, sementara sudah jadi rahasia umum kalau laki-laki ini sudah menikah dan sudah punya anak.
dapatkah terus menutup-nutupi kenyataan dan menipu diri sendiri?
sampai kapan?

dreamland

what would someone who cannot swim do in dreamland?
grab a camera and having fun!

accidentally in love

I got a terrible accident last friday. it was the worst accident in my career as a lady biker since 2003. aku lagi naik motor ke kos Wine di Teuku Umar, waktu sebuah mobil boks menyerempetku di renon. aku membelok ke kanan, mobil boks datang dari belakang dan menyerempetku dari sebelah kiri. I fell down to the left. or so, I guess... because after that everything turned black. I was having the so-called short-term memory loss that made me forget almost everything about the accident. only flashes of memory and blurred pictures on some details left. I don't remember how I got to Warkop, the boarding house on Tukad Musi V no. 3. I don't remember calling WM twice that evening and asked the same question over and over again... I guess it was some kind of emergency mechanism inside me... waktu instingku mengambil alih, dan dengan ingatan bawah sadar aku bisa menemukan jalan dan mendapat pertolongan. Allah yang maha kuasa yang mengatur semuanya. membantu dan menuntunku sehingga aku bisa selamat.
all I know, this accident make me realize that I'm so lucky to have these people around me. people who show me their love when I need it. who giving me attention and taking care of me during those bad times. these friends are my family...
WM, Naomi, Wine, Onet, Saylow, Didats... yang ada disana malam itu, ngasihin kamarnya untukku, bawa aku ke rumah sakit (dengan Rivo juga), bahkan beliin aku makan dan obat waktu dompetku belum ketemu.
Tante Narti, sori ya, Ina malah nggak jadi ke tempatnya Tante, malah Tante yang harus jengukin Ina.
Abang Doni yang langsung nelepon lewat embernya, Ela yang bela-belain interlokal juga, Bonnie yang jadi suster jarak jauh, Ari yang nyempatin nelepon sambil siaran, Kaoru-san yang ngelembur menggantikanku, Indra yang membereskan creative assignment yang belum kuselesaikan...
para gajah yang lagi arisan, yang abis baca berita kampung dan langsung kontak...Didik (untung smsnya gak nyasar), Wesly, Bundaku sayang, Venus, Deden dan juga yang lain...
smua staf di Galeri yang memastikan smua urusan berjalan lancar, Bu Mansri dan Pak Koman, Mbak Ayu yang gantiin aku ngurusin Richard Winkler, Pak Swabawa yang bersedia take over persiapan pemotretan...
special thanks for Saylow's Mom. yang bantuin aku selama di rumah sakit, nungguin aku dan memastikan dokter mendahulukan aku daripada pasien-pasien yang lain.
I love you all. Thanks for everything...

Olivier's Dream

I met him on New Year's Eve. He was the most handsome man in the dinner. With black hair and tan skin. Tall and athletic, he was Apollo came alive. A sharp look from his brown hawk eyes will make you melted away. A wink from him can make a girl blushing. He was a man who realizes that he's handsome. However, he uses his charm in adequate dose.
My first impression of him is that he was using bold statement to get what he wanted " I like all of the arts I see in Komaneka. But I don't like the painting in my room" with that kind of statement, all I have to do was offer him to change the painting in his room as soon as possible. "In Komaneka, everything is possible" I heard him saying that to his partner over a plate of grilled shrimp. "You are the best" was what he said after I told him that I'll get someone to do the change early in the morning.
After that night, we were talking about many things. His interest in the art world, because "the most important thing in this world is creation" kind of painting that he like, Indonesian furniture and antique, his house in Paris, and his dream.
" I want to have a place where I can give education for the people who need it. It will be a place to train people, to improve their skill and ability. And with those abilities, we can make earth-friendly product. It will become a product with respect to people who make it, who use it and to the earth. And we will distribute the product in a respectful way."
There were two things he said that I remember the most. The second one was "I feel blessed to be here. I was blessed all my life. I have food and education; I can do everything I wanted. I have a good life and I want to share it with others. I want to do something for the people in the world".
The first will be this "You're invited to Paris. Would you like to come?"

Excuse Me! goes to Amed

"You haven't moved an inch since the last time I saw you, don't you?" Courtney's face is popping in above the hammock in where I was laying down, cradled by the wind. Two hours ago, Courtney mounted the hammock in the facade of his room in Deep Blue Studio, Amed, where we- Wine, Bonnie, Atsushi, Anthony, Waldo and Courtney and I were staying.
I like this hammock very much. It makes me feel like I was in a cradle. I was reading with the strong sea-wind, sound of the waves crashing in the rocks, the blue sea and the grey rainy season-sky.
"It is only me, and the sea.” I said to Courtney who is smiling and staring at me with his blue eyes.
We were leaving Ubud before mid-day. Waldo, who had just come home from a party in Kuta early in the morning looked messed-up. He was as enthusiast as the other, though. There are Wine driving in the front seat and Bonnie, who pointed herself as navigator. I was sitting with Anthony and Atsushi. We were renting Pak Gede to bring those boys luggage beside the APV we were in.
Our group formed from a meeting in Jazz Cafe between Wine, Atsushi, Waldo and me, and an advertising agency in Jakarta where Bonnie and Anthony worked. Courtney is friend of Waldo who was coming to Ubud later and joining us after we bumped to each other on the street unexpectedly for several times, almost every night.
Waldo and Courtney working together in the train in Alaska. Courtney was coming from Utah and both of them enjoying outdoor and adventurous activities such as hiking, rock climbing, fishing, snorkeling, surfing plus diving for Courtney. Atsushi is a fashion designer for a casual clothing brand in Harajuku, who live in Tokyo. In his leisure times, he plays guitar and singing in a band, writing songs, snowboarding and surfing. Anthony is an ordinary officer in Jakarta, with almost non-stop ringing cellular phone because of message about work and conversation on clients. Wine teaches arts for children. Bonnie is a project manager in her office, writing stories with her 12-inch Powerbook and having her addiction to scuba diving for a few months now. Whenever we gathered in Bee House, Onet, Bonnie and Wine are my family.



It was during dinner, and after I have reluctantly got off from the hammock that we decided to call ourselves Excuse Me. Atsushi is the funniest man in this group. He always able to make us laugh somehow, and he did it naturally. Yes, Atsushi is a natural born joker. He know when to say things like "Yes, I know, but I don't think so" (this is something that made me laugh when I talked to him), "Thank you!" (Always funny when he said this), "… Peter!" (Cause he cannot say Waldo correctly). But his best is "Excuse Me!" something that he proposed as the name for our band in this trip. Later, Atsushi become a famous star among us with his unbeatable quote “I want more alcohol!”
This will be unforgettable trip for me as I got my swimming lesson in the bungalow’s pool. Ever since Waldo and Courtney found out that I couldn’t swim, they declare that they wanted to teach me. As usual, the teachers are always more enthusiastic than the student. While we’re waiting for Bonnie, Court and Atsushi at Tulamben, Waldo said “Last night, when I looked at the sky, it was written in the sky that you must learn how to swim” Yeah, right! Another way to persuade me to swim…
I don’t know what was on my mind when I said OK. Waldo gave me his ear-to-ear smile.
So there I was, inside the pool with Wine, tried to balance myself. I got my hands glued to the lips of the pool. Waldo jumped into the water and our lesson officially begun. He was a good teacher. It was him who assured me that the water is not dangerous. That everything is under control. That I will be able to swim and I’ll enjoy it. “I got you! I got you! It’s OK! You won’t get drowned!” he said that over and over again. His blue-grey eyes fixed to mine when he ask, “Are you OK?” Later, both Wine and Bonnie said that they're touched by the way Waldo teach me how to swim. Well, I'd like to say that I put the swimming lesson in my list as one of the sweetest things a man ever do to me.
Maybe Amed is not in its best performance when we were there. It’s been raining for days before we came and it was drizzling when we got there. Maybe that’s why the view underwater is not very well. Yes, It was Bonnie, Court and Atsushi who said that. But they don’t blogging, I’m the one who told you so. The best thing that I got is the friendship we made, stories we shared and the memories remained...

Finding Courtney - Part Two

and the story continued like this...

08.30 PM
went to tiing gading and found waldo in the restaurant

I : waldo!
W: ina! i tried to call you earlier but they said that you're out
I : yeah, I have a meeting with a man from French. I had just finished.
I : will courtney be back to ubud?
W: he might. he went to padang bai and I don't know whether he will be back
I : or going straight to kuta
W:because his credit card is...
I : lost! yeah, I know. I thought because his credit card is lost, he won't be going anywhere.
W: well, he couldn't afford to stay here in ubud without his credit card.
I : do you know where he will be staying in kuta?
W: I don't know
I : do you know where he stay in padang bai?
W: I don't know
I : (sigh) let me sit first...
I : I need to find him...I tried to call several times today. but no luck. nobody pick it up...they said that he was out. and he was stopping by to my gallery.
W: yes, he was. but you were not there
I : I was in tanggayuda, the other komaneka. I had to meet some guests there. when courtney came, my staff tried to find me, but because I was with a guest, they couldn't put me through the telephone. and nobody in tanggayuda told me about the call. I found his note in my desk, I called here again, and he was left.
W: I might know the transport person that take him there. maybe he used that transport man. I have the card. he said that they will help him find a place for 50.000 a night.
I : ok, I will try to call the transport person tomorrow.
W: he will be in touch with atsushi and try to find atsushi when he come to kuta.
I : atsushi said he didn't have any appointment with courtney
W: how do you know?
I: I talked to atsushi early in the evening through wine's phone. she was with him.
W: let's go upstairs

(I followed waldo to his room.)

I : I've sent an email to courtney. but I'm not sure that he will find an internet connection in padang bai.
W: he'll find it in kuta for sure.

(I was sitting in the chair in front of his room.)

W: the only reason I take you here is because, looks like you're about to cry. I don't want you to cry in front of other people.
I : hehehe... I'm not going to cry
W: well, it's look like you're going to cry

(waldo went inside his room and said)

W: I'm listening

(but I didn't say anything. waldo came with a cup in his hand and made me a tea)

W: sugar?
I : yes, please
W: one or two?
I : just one. thanks.
W: arak?
I : ahaha... no, thanks!

(I sipped the tea. It felt warm and made me relax.)

I : I need to find courtney. even if I have to go to kuta.
W: do you like courtney so much?
I : no! it's not about that I like courtney or not. it's about the photos. I have to transfer the pictures from him. I promised bonnie to give her those pictures.
W: I don't have those pictures too. He'll uploaded them in the internet as soon as he can. And if you send him an email, he will send you an invitation to see those pictures. there's nothing to worry.

waldo gave me his big-big smile and I'm speechless. why didn't I think about it? oh... me and my stupidity. how can I forget that I'm living in an era when a thing called internet is exist? well then, court! enjoy your holiday in padang bai and I'll see you in the cyber world.

Finding Courtney - Part One

it was a wet 3 january in the year 2006...

11.20 AM
menelepon courtney di tiing gading. gak ada yang angkat. nyoba tiga kali.
12.00
nelepon tiing gading. nggak ada yang angkat. nyoba dua kali.
01.15 PM
nelepon tiing gading. lagi. courtney lagi keluar. nggak ada yang tau kemana. lupa ninggalin pesan.
04.30 PM
menerima pesan dari courtney di mejaku. tertegun.

Hi Ina,
Came by to see you before I leave Ubud. I am going to Padang Bai and then to Kuta. I was hoping to say goodbye because I am not sure if i will be back before I leave next week. Also, I wanted to check with you about photos from Amed. I really wanted to get those from Bonnie before she left. Do you have them? email me when you get a chance.
See you next time

Court

04.32 PM
menelepon tiing gading. courtney udah berangkat ke padang bai pada jam 3.30. belum check out katanya, karena barangnya masih ada disana. nggak ada yang tau kapan dia akan datang, atau dimana dia menginap di padang bai.
04.40 PM
nelepon wayan, yang kerja shift pagi di gallery, kata wayan dia nggak tau kapan courtney datang. mungkin setelah shiftnya, wayan bilang.
04.42 PM
nelepon denik, staf yang masuk siang dan sedang istirahat. denik bilang courtney datang jam 12.30-an, denik udah coba telepon ke tanggayuda, dan katanya aku sedang bersama tamu di 112 (ah, ya... olivier requet). courtney nggak mau nunggu, jadi cuma ninggalin pesan.
04.45 PM
kirim email ke courtney

dear Court,

I had just read your note.
Tried to call you several times today to Tiing Gading, but no luck. No one pick my phone, you're out, and the last time they said that you had just left to Padang Bai. I'm sending this email 15 minutes after reading your note.
I hope I can see you before you left to Thailand.
I promised Bonnie to give her the pictures you've taken.
Even if I have to go to Kuta, that will be fine. I'll find you there.
So please let me know the name of the hotel you will be staying in Kuta.
Crossing my fingers to see you before you leave.

best,
Ina

04.55 PM
menelepon bu agung di tanggayuda, yang katanya terima telepon denik yang mencariku pada jam 12.30-an. bu agung barusan aja pulang.
05.15 PM
menelepon wine yang sedang sama atsushi untuk cari tahu apakah courtney janjian sama atsushi atau nggak hari ini, atau besok. atsushi bilang nggak ada. cuma janji saling berkirim email.
05.30 PM
minta didoain sama warga kampung gajah supaya bisa ketemu courtney sebelum dia pergi ke thailand. luzipeng, idban, lea, adis, husni dan beberapa orang lain berdoa, dan memasang emoticon berdoa.

I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry...

"Ina, gue sedih, tadi gue call Blue Eyes dan dia mau ketemu, tapi bisanya di Ubud, ga bisa di Denpasar. Blue Eyes bilang dia udah try to find sometime to spend together but it just didn't worked out...Lipsie juga gak mau ke Ubud. Gue ngerti dia cape, gue juga takut rusuh sih, jadi kayaknya gue jam 1 langsung on the way aja di airport. Flight gue 345. Salam buat Mommy ya..."
02.01.06
10.54

Ling-ling, sms kamu bikin aku makin sedih. Maafkan aku dan kebodohanku tadi malam. Otakku yang kecil ini nggak nyambung sama apa yang terjadi. Ampuni aku Ling-ling... aku betul-betul menyesal...
duh, Blue Eyes...I'm so sorry... forgive me and my stupidity... Semoga kalian berdua memaafkan kesalahanku.

00.00 - 31.12.2005

Balinese are always starting their new year with moments of silence. So now, I need you to be prepared for doing so.
The candles are lit. Be stand still and close your eyes.

Breath normally, and imagining that you come down, deep, inside your spiritual heart.
You're walking towards the gate of light. Imagining all that you can have, the best that you can be in the new year.
And you will feel calm, peaceful, and happy...
Happy...

Happy New Year
Wishing You All The Best In The Year 2006